


Finding A Reason

by CarnelianRogue



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Adults, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Reader Insert, Reader is a kawaii mofo, Reader is also badass, no SBurb AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-21 01:16:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10674696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarnelianRogue/pseuds/CarnelianRogue
Summary: John has just gotten out of a bad breakup, and needs a place to live. You, as one of his closest friends, are entirely up to the challenge. However, things can get awkward when the friend you are housing, is also your college crush. Yikesss....





	1. Chapter 1

You wake up with a start, looking toward your (favorite show/book/band) clock. It's 3:30 in the morning, the most ungodly of hours, and the light on your phone is flashing. You groggily check it, groaning when you have to stretch a bit further than you'd like.

\--ectoBiologist [EB] has started pestering (chumHandle) [CH]--

EB: hey. I need to talk to you

EB: it's super important

EB: I know its really early in the morning, but shit just went down

EB: not dropped down, but threw down

EB: you know what, I'll just come over to your house

EB: I hope I have my key

EB: also, thanks for giving me a key to your house

EB: now I can steal the bread

EB: you're a great friend

EB: be there in a bit.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] has ceased pestering (chumHandle) [CH]--

You roll out of bed, and go into your kitchen to start boiling some water. You've been through the comforting process many times before, though it's usually the other way around.

You hear the door open, shut, and you hear footsteps in the kitchen. Arms wrap around you from behind, and you feel John sobbing into your back. You finish making tea, and pat his arms lightly. The both of you walk to the living room, you carrying the tea, him taking a detour to grab the quilt the two of you made in the seventh grade.

"What happened, John?" he sobs into your shoulder, hugging you tightly. You stroke his hair, whispering comforting words.

"It... Vriska.... She... I saw her, and Meenah! And th-they just told me to get out! Of my own house..." he continues to sob, somewhat hyperventilating. "C-can I stay here a little while?"

"How long?" "I don't know... Vriska got a job... And she said that she was going to live there with Meenah..."

"You can stay here as long as you need. That's what friends are for, right?" He nods. You sit there with him until he stops crying. He walks to the guest room, after hugging you a final time, and thanks you, oblivious to what the future may hold. You're glad you could help him through this. That's what friends are for, right? You loom at the door longingly.

Yeah.

 

Friends.


	2. Chapter 2

You wake up, hair a birds nest, dressed in (Color/ pattern) Footie pajamas. You lug your tired body to the kitchen, and make yourself some breakfast.

"Hey, (Name)!" You jump, almost falling to the ground afterwards. You had forgotten that John was staying here. He giggled.

"Sorry to scare you like that, (Name)! I guess I'm just lucky I didn't make you spill your cereal! Remember last time that happened? You went totally ballistic..."

"Of course I do John, and every moment I see you I just remember me pummeling you, then telling you to man up and grow a pair," you tease.  He pouts, which makes him look rather adorable.

"I wasn't expecting living here to be like this, you meanie..." 

You ruffle his hair affectionately. It's actually pretty soft. Sticking a spoon in your cereal, you stick your tongue out at your friend.

"So, Johnny boy, you up for a Game day? Or would you prefer a movie marathon?" You shovel cheerios in your mouth. Could use more sugar.

"I'm so gonna beat your ass in Mario Kart!"

You couldn't predict how wrong he was.

_______________________________________________

Halfway into your fourth grand prix, there's a knock on the door, and after a few seconds, a chorus of "WE'RE COMING IN!"

It sounds like a stampede of elephants as Karkat, Dave, Jade, Rose, and (Friend) barge into your living room. They each sport a duffle bag, a pillow, a blanket, and a random snack food.

"WE HEARD THAT SOMEONE NEEDED CHEERING UP" Karkat can be nice, when he wants to be.

"bro, you are SO getting your ass handed to you. not cool."

Your friends set their stuff down, and start to cheer and yell, as John gets royally owned at Mario Kart. Then you make pillow forts.

Why this doesn't happen more often is a wonder.

But you're also kind of thankful for it. John could really use the emotional support of more than just you. You see Rose mixing drinks for some of your friends, as you lazily flip pancakes. Today's just gonna be a breakfast day.

The rest of your friends are out in your living room, watching some shitty chick-flick that Karkat brought with him. Jade is fast asleep in your lounge chair, and Karkat is sitting too close to the T.V., obviously entranced by the movie he's probably seen more than a hundred times.

"Hey." John rests his arms on the counter.

"Wassup, bucko?"

"There are way too many people in there... And Rose is already drunk, Jade is sleeping, Dave's on his phone, and Karkat and (Friend) are really into that movie..."

"Well, do you want the first serving of pity pancakes?" You set the first batch of still-warm pancakes in front of him, and pass him the syrup. "I think you could use it"

"Thanks, but I was thinking I could help you make them. You know how much our friends eat..."

That was true, your friends to eat a lot, but you would feel bad if you had John help you with the pancakes that are supposed to help cheer him up. But if that's what he wants, then you guess it wouldn't hurt.

"True, yeah, I guess I could use the help."

He gets out another pan, and you two flip pancakes in silence, putting two on each plate to start, and all extras on a large serving plate that you own. As you are setting up the table, John hugs you, seeming distressed about something. You set down the plate you're holding, and hug him back.

"Thank you for being here for me, (Name)... I really appreciate it..."

"Hey, I told you not to worry about it... That's what friends are for, right?"

'Heh... yeah friends...' At friends, your heart sinks a bit... You will admit, you've had a tiny crush on John since your sophomore year in college, but...

 

You're not gonna let this ruin your friendship.


	3. Chapter 3

Your clock.

Your damn clock will be the death of you, with that incessant beeping. It's like it wants to be crushed! But you're not gonna pull an Equius and break something that doesn't actually deserve it.

But your headache DEFINITELY isn't helping the issue.

"Nngh... C'mon, (Name), it's Saturday... turn that damned thing off..." (Friend) grumbles. They're draped unceremoniously across your midsection. You push them, again and again. They don't get up. You push them off the bed, then get up yourself.

You could really use a Tylenol. Or a hot compress. Preferrably both.

Somebody's in the bathroom. Who cares? You need some damn pills. You barge in. Karkat in a towel.

MISSION ABORT. MISSION ABORT.

"OH, HEY (NAME). JOHN SAID I COULD USE YOUR SHOWER. DO YOU NEED SOMETHING?"

"Pills, man. I need pills."

"TCH. HUMANS. WHAT DO YOU NEED TO SWALLOW THIS TIME? SOME STUPID POWDER ENCASED IN PLASTIC FOR WAKING UP? YOU HUMANS NEED THE STUPIDEST THINGS."

"Tylenol, Karkat. I'm hungover. I've got a headache."

"WEAK."

"Do you wish to come into a physical experience with a crummy juncture?"

"WHAT THE FUCK, (NAME)? I WAS *JOKING*" He gets the tylenol from your medicine cabinet. he takes two out and hands them to you. "TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF."

"No prob, Karkles." He glares at you. That nickname isn't welcome. You go to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Cups everywhere. Smells like vodka.

"Last night was wild, huh (Name)?"

It's John. His hair is a FOREST. His glasses are lopsided.

It's actually pretty attractive. He's obviously hungover, as well. Karkat comes down, fully clothed, and hands John the Tylenol.

"I ASSUME YOU'LL NEED THIS AS WELL, FUCKASS."

"Um, Karkat. I'd prefer not to. That's pretty gross, bro. Even for you." You hand John your unfinished cup of water. He thanks you and swallows the pills without issue. God, alcohol is pretty ok, until you get to the hangover part.

"Hey, Karkat?"

"YEAH, (NAME)?"

"N-Nobody threw up last night, right? Or, at least, not on the carpet?"

"YEAH. ROSE CAN HOLD HER ALCOHOL, AND JADE WAS SO BAD SHE WAS SLEEPING IN THE BATHROOM UNTIL I MOVED HER. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU HUMANS INSIST ON DRINKING A SUBSTANCE THAT ISN'T GOOD FOR YOU. IT BAFFLES ME."

"Because we're idiots, Karkles. Humans are idiotic fleshbags." You tap your temple, emphasising 'idiotic'. He groans and rolls his eyes. Dave comes into the kitchen, mumbling about how last night was too real for his liking. He must be glad he stuck to apple juice and Kool-aid. He looks at Karkat, then to you and John.

"Karkat. I'm leaving. Jade and Rose wanna go home. You coming with, or are you gonna walk your ass home."

"YEAH, I'LL COME WITH YOU. I DON'T THINK YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF JADE BY YOURSELF." He gives Dave a look. Dave looks offended, and puts a hand over his chest.

"Oh, my love, you wound me so." He looks away dramatically. Karkat gets flustered.

You guys say bye to each other, and eventually (Friend) comes from your room and leaves. (He/She) leaves you a ten-dollar bill, "For the inconvenience". You two blather for a few minutes, until (Friend) walks out the front door, with their money, grumbling about stupid best friends. You hear music in the living room. Walking to the living room, you see John bundled up on the couch, watching Fantasia. You sit beside him, listening to the beautiful orchestral music. You start to think about how life can be like music, or moreso, a suite of music. It has its ups and downs, its slow parts, and the parts that go too fast for your liking, and life is short. You look over to John, and notice that he fell asleep. You cover him with a blanket and shut the lights in your living room off. You go get ready for the rest of the day, and set up some of the stuff that John brought with him.  
After a while, the bathroom is organized, and the dresser in the guest room is emptied so John can put his clothes in as he pleases. The dishes are done, and you've got laundry going. You go back to the living room, and see that John has woken up. He's changed it to regular TV, and he's watching Steven Universe. He looks at you and smiles.  
"Y'know, (Name)? I'm glad I came here instead of somewhere else. You're the best!"  
You blush and scratch the back of your head. You ramble about how it's no issue, and just keep going. He pulls you into a hug, and you stop talking.  
"Thank you, (Name).  
"You're welcome, John."


	4. Chapter 4

   It's Monday. And Mondays, as a general rule, are the worst days of the week. You have to work, and with John living here, your hone schedule may be more hectic than normal. After going to your job at the nearest animation studio, you hadn't had a good day. People were bumping into you, stepping on your shoes, yelling at you, and one guy accidentally bumped into you, pouring his searing-hot coffee on you. By the time you make it home, you're ready to just go to bed forever.  
What you were not expecting was a spotless house and dinner. But that's what was served. Mondays were John's days off, and that, you are grateful for, as they are your long days. You kick off your shoes, and get the eating tables for the living room. Animating pays good, but the people at your studio suck monkey butt. You plop onto the couch, unbuttoning your shirt to reveal the camisole underneath. John makes a noise, and you remember that you're not the only one living here anymore. Excusing yourself, you rush past a red-faced John, holding a plate of pasta, and rethinking his life choices.  
Once you're dressed in the most comfortable pajamas you own, you go back downstairs and eat. The TV is on the DVR, and John's watching the recordings you have of Steven Universe. Completely immersed in the shown he has no clue that there's spaghetti sauce all over his face. You slap him with a napkin, and it sticks to his face.  
"Ow! (Name), what was that for?" John rubs his face, which in turn, rubs the napkin. He gets the point and cleans his face with it, his face getting a nice shade of pink.  
"I can't be seen with somebody who doesn't know how to keep pasta off their face."  
"Sorry, I don't speak bullshit"  
"Mm, what was that? I don't think I could hear than over the wonderful voice Pearl has." You turn up the volume, loud enough than you can't hear yourself think, and you can feel the sound waves in the couch. "Coach Steven" is playing. You belt out the words to the song, standing so you can twirl and spin, making a total fool of yourself. When the song is over, you bow, and turn the volume on the TV down. John is laughing like that was the best thing he'd ever seen, and you're giggling uncontrollably.  
Once the dishes are clean, and the leftovers are put away, you two go back to watching TV.

"So how was work today?" John asks, sprawled across half the couch.  
"It was okay, I guess. Some dude spilled coffee on me, I got yelled at by one of the other people in my team, and everyone was rude. But I got some decent work done." You twirl your hair around your finger absentmindedly, and had been doing it long enough for your hair to have one clump that was just not the right shape. You run your hands through your (Color) hair, and stand up, walking to your bedroom. You grab your laptop, the cord, and your headphones, then walk back to the living room.

You play Undertale for a while, and complete your first pacifist run. John is sleeping on the couch, and it's 11:30.

"Johnny-boy, it's time to get a-movin'!" You pull him off of the couch, and he lands face first on the floor.

He's still sleeping. You roll him around a bit.

He starts snoring. You put an ice cube on his forehead.

He rolls over, it falls off. He's still sleeping, but he's talking, that's a good sign. You sit on his side.

His eyes open a bit, then flutter back closed. You pap, poke, prod, and ultimately slap his face.

He groan and opens his eyes. You yell at him.

"RISE AND SHINE SLEEPING BEAUTY! IT'S BED TIME!"

"Then why'd you wake me up? I was sleeping, wasn't I? And bed time means go to sleep, right?" He groans and sits up, raising an eyebrow as you stand there, hands poised on your hips.

"NOPE BED TIME MEANS GET. INTO. A. BED! And as far as I can see? You're on the floor. I use that. Get up." You pull on his arm, attempting to get him off of your precious living room floor.

"Alright, you got me. I'll go to my room, mom. Thanks a lot, my friends are gonna go have all the fun without me."

"At midnight? You are not going out at midnight, young man. Especially not to one of those, what do they call them now?"

"Skating rinks?"

"Rainbow parties. You know how much I simply despise rainbows. You must not, under any circumstances, have anything to do with rainbows."

"Mom, I'm gay."

"Well, that's okay! You can like whoever you like!"

"The symbol is a rainbow, ma." John deadpans. You gasp. He walks up the stairs, and you follow him.

"I can deal with rainbows if they are part of who you are, son. I love you no matter what."

"So I'm allowed to have furious sex with Dave."

"No." Your eyebrow starts to twitch. All this banter has got you wanting to laugh so bad, your eyes are watering. John looks at you with a mischevious smile.

"Too bad, ma. I'm pregnant."

"NO, THAT STRIDER BOY HAS DEFILED MY LITTLE GIRL!" You hug John tightly. He starts laughing. "THAT BOY JUST COULDN'T KEEP IT IN HIS PANTS, COULD HE?" You're laughing too, at this point. You try not to sound like a banshee, but you can't keep it in. "IT'S GONNA BE GREEK MYTHOLOGY ALL OVER AGAIN! YOUR BABY IS IN DANGER, SWEETIE! YOU MUST HIDE THEM AWAY, FAR FROM THE GRIPS OF DAVE'S TRUE LOVER, KARKAT!"

"Oh no my baby is in danger, whatever shall I do."

"Run away forever."

"Okay." John walks into his room, and you hear the door lock. "The windows too, dear!" You yell, still laughing about the whole ordeal. You walk into your room and plop onto your bed, getting ready for a peaceful slumber.

You're in too deep.

Goddamnit.


	5. Chapter 5

Coffee is the nectar of the gods, the liquid of life, and the almost literal lifeblood of fully functioning adults that have to be to work before the ungodly hour of 7 am. It's a beautiful thing to wake up to, and the smell almost never fails to make you feel a little better about the day ahead.

Coffee, however, is also a pain in the ass to make at 5:30 in the morning. It's still dark outside, and if you didn't have an alarm clock that went off like crazy, you might have thought that you woke up at 2 am, and went back to bed.

Might being the keyword.

But here you are, sipping your coffee out of the fancy mug your mother got you for your birthday a few months back. It has the Hamilton logo on it, and has Lin-Manuel Miranda's signature on it. It's still your favorite mug, even after you somehow grew out of the unhealthy realm of obsession with the critically-acclaimed musical. John wakes up, and stumbles down the stairs, barely clearing the last step before nearly tripping and getting himself hurt. You look at him and raise an eyebrow.

"Are you that tired, egg boy?"

"Shush it. Is that coffee?" John asks, already foraging through your messy cupboards to find a coffee mug. You roll your eyes at your friend's shenanigans, and he sticks his tongue out at you.

"No, it's liquid unicorn shit. An elf sold it to me in exchange for my innocence." You deadpan, letting your eyes get out of focus to weird him out. John grimaces.

"Oh, so Dave's an elf?" he asks, chuckling and quirking an eyebrow. You go red in the face and grumble about him bringing it up again. Remembering the precious loss of your virginity to a wannabe coolkid was not something you wanted to do.

"That was once, John."

"That was your first time, (Name). He has to be the elf. Where'd he get the shit?"

"Your ass, eggbreath"

You and Dave Strider had one drunken night in college and nobody will let you let go of it. Even if it was your first.

"I didn't know I was a unicorn. Why didn't any of you assholes tell me?" The look on his face is of mock offense and surprise, and it's quite frankly stupid looking.

Stupidly adorable looking.

You shrug and down the rest of your now lukewarm coffee. John stares into his cup, his face void of emotion.

"You okay, John?"

"Oh! Yeah, I'm fine, just thinking."

"What's going on in that head of yours?"

"Y'know, the usual. Dreading work, excited to see Casey, longing for my bed." You hum your agreement, rinsing out your empty mug and slipping it into the dishwasher. "How about you?"

"Y'know, longing for Angelica, missing my wife."

"Can I be Maria Reynolds?"

"Anytime, baby" You say, smoothly. Winking exaggeratedly, you make lewd hand gestures before finishing getting ready for work. You interact playfully, partaking in conversation filled with innuendos and suggestive banter until it's time to leave. You put you jacket on and walk to the door, still talking

You say goodbye to John before leaving by throwing a pop tart at him. He chuckles and waves you away.

"Bye-Bye, Johnny boy!"

"Bye, (Name)!"

[So, timeskip because I've never worked an actual job, and I'm lazy]

You come home to an empty house, cold and hungry. It's dark and dreary in the large structure, and it is eerily silent. John isn't off work yet, but it's still a stark contrast to the cheeriness you've gotten used to in your home, even if it's only been a few days since he's been here. After you turn the lights on, you get started on cooking something for dinner. You had skipped out on lunch, as per the usual, and are now hungry. You grab some bread and canned tomato soup.

You may want to make something, but you will make a lazy something.

Opting out of staining your nice clothes, you change into a tank top and some gym shorts that you still have from high school. The tank top is black and has a super kawaii carrot on it. That carrot is so damn kawaii, you don't think even Equius's kokoro wouldn't go doki doki because of how friggin' kawaii that carrot is.

But enough mulling over how kawaii a carrot could be, you were in the midst of cooking! Can't let the soup boil, now can we? You hum and flip the grilled cheese, smiling and swaying your hips a bit. You're so concentrated, you don't hear the door open when John gets home. At that point, you're singing softly to yourself.

When the grilled cheese is finished, you turn off the stove and turn around, and are surprised at the sight of John. He eagerly awaits the meal you've made, smiling and swinging his legs like a child.

You two are pretty much overgrown children at this point, eating grilled cheese and tomato soup, and getting all excited about it. But kids are cute, and being cute is good. No qualms about being absolutely heckin adorable.

"How would you like your dinner served tonight, my good sir?" you ask, bowing slightly and holding the plate of grilled cheese like a serving tray. John giggles, and when you look up, his face is red. You're perplexed, because his face is twisted up in what seems to be embarrassment, even though seconds ago he was giggling and excited for grilled cheese.

"Uh, with garnish and tomato soup, please" John replies, a bit subdued. He pointedly avoids your gaze, and his face gets darker. You set the plate down in front of him, and get him some soup. Grabbing some lettuce from the fridge, and ripping it to look fancy was the hardest part about preparing your friends meal. After you've put the food in front of him, you get your own, opting out of the fanciness, and bending over to lean on the counter while you eat.

John chokes on something, and when you look up, his head is down, and his mouth is chock full of food. 

"Hey, John, you ok?" you ask, concerned for him. He could be sick, what if he has a fever? You hope he's ok, and that he doesn't get too bad.

"Oh, what? Yeah, I'm fine, (Name). Just feeling a little under the weather, that's all!" He responds, still not looking directly at you. You look at him, suspicious, and lean forward to feel his forehead. Your shirt pulls down the slightest bit and he gets flustered.

Is he...?

Was he looking...?

"(Name) I'm fine I swear, please stop I'll be ok, I promise"

"You were looking. At my boobs?"

He looks away, somewhat ashamed. His face is flushed, and now, so is yours. Although, a bit of pride wells in you. He stands up and washes his plate, apologizing thoroughly. You pat him on the head and chuckle, reassuring him that it was ok.

"I think I'm gonna shower and hit the hay then" he mumbles, still embarrassed about the whole ordeal. John still won't look you in the eye, and when he walks away, you smirk and yell, "Don't miss me too much!" He groans and walks into the bathroom, locking the door and then turning on the water.

You set the dishes in the sink to be put inthe dishwasher after this load is done. Satisfied with your work, you head to your room to get some shuteye. The blankets are warm, and with an odd satisfaction in the pit of your stomach, you drift off to sleep.

*********************

His mouth is on yours, lips moving in sync. A tongue swipes across your lower lip, and you open your mouth, granting him entrance. He pulls away from you, smirking. Deep blue eyes meet (E/C) ones, holding a gaze that you can speak through, wordlessly, effortlessly. He kisses your cheek, trailing down to your neck. You moan when he sucks and nips at a sweet spot, egging him on to go further. 

Clothes fly across the room, sweet, dirty nothings are exchanged. You and him are tangled in the dance of two lovers, the most close of touches a couple can exchange.

"I love you, (Name)"

"I love you too, John"

********************  
You wake up suddenly, face flushed and body in a hot sweat.

You just had a sex dream about your best friend.

Fantastic


	6. When life gives you lemons

A few days after the incident, you plan a hangout day with John. The plan is to watch movies and play video games in your pajamas.

The planning didn't take long, and neither of you had even thought of plans before the idea was sprung. So here you are, sitting on your couch, watching Mulan with John.

"You know," John starts, about to criticize some part of the movie that could have potentially unraveled the plot, "If he woulda looked down, he would've gotten an eyeful of boobie. Then there goes the movie"

"I don't think that actually would've happened, John. Normally when you pull on somebody's shirt in that situation, you don't look down their friggin' shirt."

"You don't know that, (Name)."

"No... I guess I don't." You relent, letting John win the argument this time. He looks back to the T.V. screen with a satisfied smirk on his face. You catch sight of the glint in his eye and look away, blushing uncharacteristically. Ever since the night that you had the dream,  you haven't been able to look at John, normally, for extended periods of time. Your glances become creepy staring, which turns into embarrassment for you, whether because you caught yourself, your thoughts went into the gutter, or because John happened to notice that fact that you were staring at him.

For longer than even remotely acceptable.

You sneak a look at him somewhere during a conversation that doesn't advance the plot quickly. John is staring at his phone, a halo of light shining on his features, and has a small grin on his face.

"Hey, who are you texting that's more important than our movie night?" You ask, sounding somewhat smug.

"Somebody~" He replies, looking up at you from under his lids. The playful look on his face makes your face warm up, and you glance at the opposite end of the room.

When you look back, he's glued to his phone screen. His expression says that whoever it is he's talking to, they're making him happy.

Maybe... Maybe it's a girl..?

No, he just got out of a relationship, he shouldn't be diving into another...

But, sometimes people are so in pain, that they rebound and get themselves involved with another person in a vain attempt to fill the hole in their chest...

You frown. That seems very unlike John, but still entirely possible. Another glance at your friend only affirms your doubts.

You curl up on the far side of the couch, taking up as little space as possible, while creating as much space as you can between you and the blue-eyed beauty. You try to watch the movie and ignore John, but to no avail. Your mood sours the more you watch him interact with his phone.

"Hey. (Name)."

You reply with a noncommittal hum.

"Hey, what's up? You got quiet and spacey all of a sudden."

"The ceilings up."

"(Name). What's going on?"

"Nothing. Nothings going on"

"You know I can see right through that, right?"

"Whatever. It's not important." You huff. John gets in your face, his eyes wide and sparkling. You feel your throat tighten, and tears well in your eyes. You look away and cross your arms tightly. Your jaw tightens in a stubborn act of defiance. His face softens and he puts his hand on your arm.

"You know you can tell me, right?" he says.

"I don't have to, though. You're not my keeper." You retort, crossing your arms and narrowing your eyes. He runs a hand through his hair and sighs.

"I know that. Ugh, you're too stubborn sometimes..."

"Then why don't you just pack up and go? It can't be nice dealing with someone this stubborn, can it?"

"Goddamnit, (Name), that's not what I was trying to say"

"Then what were you trying to say?"

"That I worry about you, and being stubborn doesn't make me worry less! I care, and I just want to know that you're ok!"

"Why does it matter? You shouldn't have to deal with it. It doesn't matter."

"Yes. It does matter. How many times do I have to tell you that I fucking care about you?! And what the hell do you mean I shouldn't have I deal with it? Deal with what, exactly?"

"I don't know, you shouldn't have to deal with someone who wants to fucking kill herself on a more than even vaguely ok basis?!"

"You... Want to kill yourself...?"

"Yeah. It doesn't matter though, you'd be fine anyway."

"No. I won't, (Name). You don't get to decide how I'd feel"

You decide not to speak, instead looking away from him, an angry look on your face. He huffs and stands up, forcing himself into your line of vision.

"If you're gone, who's gonna be here for me? How am I supposed to get through life knowing that you did something like that? With me, your close friend and roommate, in the same house as you, letting it happen?"

"You'll find somebody else. I'm not that important."

"Yes you are, (Name). You are so important to not only me, but to everyone around us. We'd be lost without you."

You clench your jaw, willing the tears away, but losing the battle. The warm liquid rolls down your cheeks, and you chew on your bottom lip. John sits next to you and puts an arm over your shoulders.

You bury your face into his chest and start to sob. He rubs your back in an attempt to comfort you. You sob well into the credits, and by the time you regain a concept of time, the intro screen has already popped back up. After pulling away from John, embarrassed by recent events, you notice the wet spot you left on the right side of his shirt.

"I.. I'm sorry..."

"That's ok, (Name). What kind of friend would I be if I didn't let you soak my shirt in sad juice?"

"Hehe.. You're right. Thanks, anyway," You mumble.

He looks at you, just as you look at him. You think you're imagining it, but it seems like your faces are getting closer...

Ok, that's not imagination.

You swoop sideways and plant a kiss on his cheekbone. After you pull away, John has a stunned look upon his features. You shoot up, your face resembling a cherry, and bid John a good night, then go to your room.

John just sits there, watching your form slink towards your bedroom awkwardly. He presses his fingers against the spot on his cheek where you kissed him. There's a tingling sensation in both his heart, and his stomach.

You have the same feeling as you go to sleep, a small, nervous smile on your face when you bury your head in your pillow.

'I just got out of a relationship, I shouldn't be feeling like this...'

'He just got out of a relationship, and he wouldn't like me anyway...'

 


End file.
